Part 7: Adventure & Disappearing Duality

Chapter 35: California & Arizona

Our Flagstaff associates in the Medical division gave me a retirement party. After the party, Bakul and I drove to the Grand Canyon, where we reserved their most expensive suite on the top floor of the old prestigious El Tobar Inn. We stayed there for two nights. Both of us loved to sit on the terrace with our coffee. This terrace was almost on the edge of the canyon and provided a spectacular view of the entire range.

We returned to Flagstaff, drove to Phoenix, and flew to LA, California, to visit Nani and Ishwarbhai.

We enjoyed our visit greatly. They took us to the San Diego Ashram of Yogananda Paramhansa. Its cliff was right on the ocean. I felt that if I ever lost Bakul, I would go there and stay in that Ashram.

Ishwarbhai suggested that we visit Yosemite Park. He hired a small car for us and gave us detailed instructions about how to reach the park and where to stay overnight while on the way. We did as he suggested and reached the park at noon the next day. We rented a room in a hotel just outside the park.

We signed up for a guided tour the next day. For the night, we had pizza and retired to our room, holding hands and saying our prayers. We slept well. The tour was spectacular, to say the least. We stayed in the park for two days and drove back to Nani’s house in LA and home. I could not thank Ishwarbhai enough for his meticulous instructions for our visit.

Chapter 36: India with Avalon & Maya

In the fall of 1996, we took Parsh, Brenda, Avalon, and Maya to India for a one-week tour on the Palace On Wheel luxury train to show them the King's Palaces in Rajasthan State. They loved this train ride, after which they came to our house in Ahmedabad, stayed a week, and flew back to the USA.

Both girls will remember this special journey on a luxury train as long as they live; we love them.

Chapter 37: Back Out West

It was the summer of 1997. My company attorneys asked me to go to Denver, Colorado, as a key witness in a legal case about our vascular grafts. I decided that Bakul and I would go together driving in our car. We decided to take a one-week vacation in Colorado as soon as my deposition was over. With the help of AAA, we got the map to drive to Denver, which is about 1800 miles away. We booked Comfort Inns on the way for a one-night stay. Our drive, starting at 5 a.m. going west in July, was the most enjoyable experience of our life.

While driving long distances, we talked about the loved ones we had lost, the pleasant experiences we had with them, and between the two of us together. We cried and laughed and listened to the music we both loved. At a rest stop on the way, we would spread the tablecloth Bakul had so thoughtfully packed. We enjoyed Thepla, potato shaak, and yogurt. It was most enjoyable. We then continued our drive until we reached our destination, Comfort Inn, before it was dark. We would get milk from its restaurant, sit in our room, and eat dinner. Ladu and milk for me and Thepla and milk for Bakul.

Holding hands, we say our prayers, exchange a good night kiss, and sleep hugging each other to rise the next day at 5 a.m. We were able to arrange with a restaurant lady to give us some cereal, toast and coffee at 5:30 a.m. The trip followed the same routine until we reached a Denver, Colorado, hotel, where my deposition was taken the next day. As soon as the deposition was completed, we drove off to reach our vacation destination at Lake Dillon.

We had a second-floor condo with a balcony. Bakul loved taking her coffee cup on the balcony and looking over the view of the mountains beyond the lake. On the next balcony over, a couple from Texas admired Bakul and had a good conversation with her. We stayed for five days at Lake Dillon.

After breakfast, we would leave to drive around. We saw Aspen, Rocky Mountain National Park, Colorado Springs, and the Air Force Academy and also took a rail trip to Pikes Peak at over 14,000 feet. Eating warm apple cider donuts at 14,000 feet on a cool day was very enjoyable for both of us. It was so cold that we both sat on the train very close while eating our donuts.

Driving in Rocky Mountain National Park, we met a couple on a motorbike. They asked how we liked Colorado. They said, “Wait till you see Utah and Montana. Do not miss these two while you are in the West.”

We decided there and then that we should plan a car trip to Utah and Montana for the next two years. We both realized that, such long car trips alone, just the two of us, we were merging our souls, giving us the intense bliss we were experiencing for the first time.

Chapter 38: Utah & Montana

By now, Bakul was truly handicapped. She wore Arizona ankle braces on both feet and could not walk without a walker. Despite that, her spirit was totally intact.

Using AAA services, we planned our trips to Utah in 2007. Once there, we stayed at Castle Valley Inn in Moab. Parsh surprised us by being there when we arrived. He had taken a flight there.

In the inn, we had an Italian lady who rented the next hut over. Bakul used to sit outside on the porch outside of our place often. One time, that Italian lady came over and complimented her, saying she was a very graceful lady, and started conversing with her.

Parsh arranged the most enjoyable dinner we had at a resort right on the Colorado River, just below a mountain. He then showed us Zion National Park, Arches Park, and Bryce Canyon before flying back home. We drove back, enjoying our drive as we had always done.

This time, we rented a large Mercury / Grand Marquis car. As usual we would start at 5:00 a.m. and start driving. Because we had our Sea Colony condo, we could rent a large house with a kitchen and a sitting room in Montana with a companion Real estate agency.

We drove through Wyoming, and when Bakul saw a tall snow-clad mountain range at one spot, she wanted to stop and look at it, truly inspired. She got emotional and hugged me. I kissed her. This was a grand Teton Mountain Range. We soon were at Jackson Hole in Wyoming, in the Teton National Park. Here, we stopped and had a boat ride on a crystal clear Jenny Lake at the foot of this mountain. This was an enjoyable ride.

We proceeded into Montana, passing through Yellowstone National Park. Just when we reached the foot of the hill on which our rented house was located, we found a sandwich shop. The lady who ran the shop was a vegetarian, and she made two large sandwiches for us. Our house was a large one on a hill with first-class furniture. We ate our sumptuous sandwiches and relaxed for a while. We called up a tour agency for Yellowstone National Park for the next day.

The tour was in an SUV. We were the only passengers. We left at 9:00 a.m. The driver took us around the park and showed us Old Faithful, Yellowstone River, and other areas. We also saw a large herd of huge buffalos jumping into the river and climbing up on the bank on the other side. We also saw many hot water geysers.

In Montana we took a scenic lift in a gondola to the mountain for scenic views around the Flathead Valley and Glacier National Park. This was a unique experience for both of us. Thereafter, we drove to see the grizzly bear site. The bear came to the fence, and we saw it closely. We spent five days in Montana and returned home.

Chapter 39: Banff Visit

I was now 78, and we still decided to travel 2400 miles by car to Banff in Western Canada. We rented a big car and decided to travel just the two of us. AAA gave us maps, and we booked Comfort Inns at three stops along the way.

We reached Banff after a three-night stay on the way and four days of driving. Both of us truly enjoyed such long-distance driving. Once we left Michigan and joined the Canadian Pacific Highway, we could drive on cruise control at 75 miles an hour.

In Banff, we first saw the most beautiful Lake Louise with its crystal clear, turquoise blue water. On the far horizon, glaciers pour into the lake. We spent nearly an hour taking photos there. We then took a Banff Gondola ride to the mountain top. At the start of the ride, we were asked what kind of lunch we would like to enjoy at the top. We asked for vegetarian sandwiches with vegetarian soup.

When we reached the top, an appropriately dressed waitress met us and guided us to our seats in the dining hall. We were served sumptuous sandwiches and hot soup. We then got out on the terrace and enjoyed spectacular views of snow-clad mountains. We spent three days in Banff and started driving back. An interesting experience awaited us. When we entered US territory from the Canadian Highway at Fargo, North Dakota, Police pulled us over.

They wanted both of us to get out of our car and go with them to their office building. They questioned us at length about where did we come from, where we go and so on. They thought Bakul was hiding drugs in her saree. She was taken to a room and searched by a lady officer. Bakul had $300 cash in her purse. They questioned why she had so much cash. Bakul confidently explained that they had to reach Delaware, and on the way, they needed to have breakfast, lunch, and dinner for three days. Money was also needed for tolls.

We were detained for almost two hours.

Chapter 40: Northeast

Now that we had seen almost the entire west, including Banff in Canada, we thought we would drive east as far as we could go. Both of us enjoyed driving together despite her handicap.

Several years ago, both of us had visited Montreal and Quebec City in Canada. This visit was with our friends Pravin and Jyoti Dattani. We flew to Montreal with them. Pravinbhai rented a car, and four of us drove around and also went to Quebec City. This was an enjoyable trip.

We desired to drive alone to Nova Scotia in Canada. I was 79, so Parshuram and Brenda said they would like to accompany us. Parshuram rented a nice house on the water in a village in Liverpool, Nova Scotia. Brenda had a new car and so she wanted to be our driver.

The house was beautiful, with two well-equipped bedrooms and a kitchen. It was a relaxing vacation. One day, Brenda drove us to the top of a mountain whose name I don't remember, where we had a lovely mini picnic.

We returned the same afternoon and signed up for a boat ride. Ours was a small boat with very few people on it. As we were progressing in the ocean, a huge whale was swimming with our boat. We could even see her eyes. We were scared that if she went under our boat and decided to come up, we could be doomed. The whale kept on swimming with our boat until the captain of our boat turned around to return. This was a novel experience for us.

We stayed in Liverpool Village for five days, and Brenda drove us back home safely. Before this last car trip, Bakul and I had spent almost fifteen years driving alone in our car to see most of the USA’s west.

Chapter 41: Himalayas

When I was 79, Jivan, my brother, came to see me at our Ahmedabad home. He asked me, “Bhai, as you are approaching 80, what would you like to see now?” I replied I had a desire to see the mighty Himalayas. Jivan immediately said he would arrange for me to do so. He loved me and his Bhabhi very much. He called me in a few days and gave me the telephone number of Bhuvan Upreti, who worked in his company and was originally from the Himalayan area.

We decided to visit the Himalayas in October 2009. We called Bhuvan, and he immediately booked a two-week stay at a resort for us in the Himalayan town of Kausani. As planned, we flew to Delhi. We were met by a colleague of Jivan at the airport, who took us to the guest house of Jivan’s company, where we stayed for the night. After breakfast, a colleague from Jivan’s company drove us in a taxi for several hours to reach Kausani.

Our room was very cozy. As we pulled the curtain of a large window, we were stunned to see the mighty Himalayas glistening in the sunshine. We both got emotional and hugged each other for several minutes.

The overwhelming joy of seeing the Himalayas, so revered in our religion and Sanskrit literature, made us both emotional. We loved our two-week stay.

Chapter 42: 80th Birthday Celebrations

Our temple planned a delightful party for my 80th birthday. Two hundred and fifty friends from our temple family were invited. Our friend Lata Vinod sang the songs Bakul had selected and Vaijayanti Koustuban arranged a dance recital by one of her students for the famous devotional song “Madhuram”. We had dinner for all. It was a very pleasant celebration.

It was 2014 and the year of Bakul’s 80th birthday. We decided to take the whole family further north in Maine. Valerie found a beautiful place with many houses and a swimming pool. We could accommodate everyone in these houses in the complex in the same compound. Valerie also found a lady who would cook us a vegetarian American dinner and deliver it. There was a big dining hall where all of us would get together at dinner time. Have conversations and eat a delectable vegetarian dinner, which is different every day.

During the day, the younger folks would use the swimming pool, and others could go out and explore the town and the general area. This was an enjoyable vacation for all of us, including Valerie’s dad, whom we all called Pa. We spent one week at this resort. Below are some photos from our trip.

Chapter 43: No More Long Car-Rides

Our last car trip, with us behind the wheel, was to Banff in Canada when I was 78 and about which I had written earlier. After 2011, we decided to stop making long car tours. We continued visiting India every alternate year. We went to India in 2012. Parsh, Avalon, and Maya also came to be with us for two weeks in Ahmedabad. We went to India again in 2014, 2016 and 2018. We were joined by Anand, Valerie, Simran, and Cameron as well.

I will now write about some health troubles that we ran into. In 2014, Bakul first developed a urinary tract infection, which led to a fever that would not leave her. We had to place her in a hospital where she was diagnosed as having sepsis. After many trials, only one antibiotic worked, and her fever was normal.

The hospital asked us to take her home lest she develop a further infection in the hospital. We did so. A nurse came home daily for a month. She recovered fully. Sepsis could have taken her life in 2014. We were blessed.

We went to India again in 2016 and 2018. Thereafter, the pandemic prevented us from going anywhere. In 2016, during our visit, we decided to go to Poona to stay for two or three days with Mukesh. He is the son of Bakul’s mother’s first cousin.

He worked for many years in Dubai and, when retired, built a beautiful bungalow on a hill in Poona. He has always kept in touch with us and even visited and stayed with us in our Landenberg home during his visit to the USA.

When we visited his house in Poona, Dr. Markand Bhatt, another cousin of Bakul, and my friend came over from Bombay. We had a wonderful reunion of old friends.

Chapter 44: More Health Troubles

Bakul got her second knee replacement in the Spring of 2018. I was 88, and Bakul was 84. We decided that we should not travel long distances anymore.

Just about this time, Suraj's wedding was announced. Nani and Ishwarbhai wanted us to attend. Chetan took the responsibility of taking us safely and back. We joyfully attended Suraj and Megan's wedding. Chetan ensured that his Bhabhi was transported everywhere safely and comfortably.

After the wedding, some members of the party took a week-long vacation at Vista in San Diego. This was a good resort with tennis courts and a swimming pool. Everyone enjoyed the vacation.

One day, Bakul fell in the bathroom, which did not have grab bars. Hiten rushed her to a local hospital. Her knee operation was unaffected but a minor hairline crack had developed. On return we showed her to the surgeon who had done her knee replacement. He suggested some physical therapy and rest. She recovered relatively ruickly.

One night in 2019, Bakul developed a ministroke. We called 911 and took her to Christiana Hospital. She remained there for two nights. No major damage was done to her speech or to her face. Her left arm and left leg were slightly compromised. She could not walk even with her walker. She needed physical therapy. We called Fox Rehabilitation Services, and they sent a physical therapist trained in teaching stroke patients how to walk. This lady named Sydney Boyd was very good. She spent more than a year with Bakul, visiting our home three days a week. Bakul made excellent progress and was able to walk in the house with her walker.

We would get together in the kitchen and cook Khichdi and Shaak together. I did what she said and followed her instructions fully.

We would have dinner together, watch shows we loved, or listen to music we loved on YouTube.

One night in 2020, she developed a seizure. We took her to the hospital and were told that after the stroke, many patients developed seizures within a few weeks.

The Neurologist prescribed a high dose of a powerful anti-seizure drug(Levetiracetam)which made her sleepy the whole day and night. This was an untenable situation for both of us. We called our primary care doctor, Dr. Willey, who immediately cut the dosage in half and, after a week, stopped it. This change worked for Bakul. The only thing was that her walking was affected again. We called in Sydney and the physical therapy was started once again to teach her walking. Sydney worked with us for 18 months and made Bakul confident enough to walk with her walker inside the house. Jasmine would come and help her take a shower.

Bakul and I, taking care of each other, happy.

We were now in 2022, and once again, we were living happily together with love.

The duality of our existence as a man and a woman had disappeared. We were becoming a unit or one soul in two bodies. She needed help in wearing her incontinence underwear during the day and at night. This is where she needed my help. At night, when we retired to our bedroom and when she had her nighttime underwear on, I would bring her to the bed in her transport chair.

When she sat on the bed, I would lift her legs one by one and place them on the bed. She would then lie on the bed, turning right, facing me. Once we had pulled our covers over us, I would hold her hand and say our prayers together.

The last prayer always was: “Lord, take me from untruth to truth, take me from darkness to light, and take me from death to immortality.” This was followed by both of us saying Jay Shri Krishna to each other and my giving her a good night kiss.

Only then would we sleep while still holding hands. Our duality had completely disappeared. She was me, and I was her. We were blissfully content as a unit.